Relationships

There comes a moment in everyones life where we have to face up to some strong self-scrutiny about the direction of our life, our jobs, our goals and dreams, and our relationships.

These are moments which require courage to face, and they are always not easy paths to take.

Particularly when it comes to relationships.


After two years of living together, a couple will reach a plateau, and at that stage, you will, on a very instictual level know whether or not you will be able to continue past it.

When you first start out, things are generally smooth, but over time you will notice the little quirks that begin to either tear you apart, or bring you closer together.

The problem is, when you hit those crossroads, is will you do the right thing and break it off then, or will you allow it to continue to it's almost inevitable destruction.

You may tell yourself, that you or your other partner can change, that you can make it work just with a little faith and will alone. But do not be caught up by this, because if there is one thing for certain in this world, it is that people never change. We are creatures of habit, and we can not deny our true natures, no matter how destructive they may be.

This is one thing that life has taught me well..

Yet knowing this, I have found that out of the range of relationships that I have had, I have often lacked the courage to do the right thing and break it off when I knew the truth that could not be denied.

In this thing, I have often been the coward, and rode the relationship on it's path to a spectacular final end.

And so it comes around to my current relationship...

I have been with my current partner, EC, for just about two and a half years now, and our individual quirks and habit now ride rough on our individual tempers. I kinda knew that we would never be the prefect couple when we started out, having been with an aries woman once before in my life, which also ended on really bad terms.

In hindsight, had I have know she was an aries when I just started dating her, I expect I would have cut it off then, haunted by my previous relationship experience. But at that time, she knew how to laugh, and when she smiled, I felt the world get all that more brighter with her in.

But now, on some occassions, I just can't stand to be in the same room as her, and have to retreat to my private sanctum , to allow myself to de-stress from her foul moods.

I know that I will have to leave her, and some part of me has to wonder if she isn't coming to the same conclusions as I. Perhaps we are both held in the same holding pattern, waiting for someone to breathe, so to speak.

But I have tied up a great deal of my life with her, and now I found myself in the unenviable position of having to regain my independance again. So, I am faced with the most horrible of propositions, to continue to live a lie, whilst setting all my affairs in order.

It is one of my greatest burdens to bear at the moment, and nor is it a shining moment in my life, but in my heart I am afraid of what comes next, and without a plan, a fallback position to go to, that terror gnaws at my heart.

And so, in this, my gentle reader, I bare to you the failings in my own soul, my deep and terrible flaw that I carry in me as my secret, my burden, my sin.

All I can hope for in the end, is that I will make that break faster, and in such a way that I can minimise the damage that I will most surely do, and hope that I can still face myself in the mirror...